Mentors, Guardians and Friendship.

[SamMember]

My uncle passed away six years ago and is still sorely missed by me (he was also my friend, mentor and guardian).

He once said to me about friendship (and he repeated this often to me over time), ‘your friends are a reflection of you and your character and not by valuing them alongside wealth, status, politics, ego, religion or measuring yourself against them…..no, he would say, absolutely not……a friend is a rare human being in one’s life, they are to be cherished, as if you are caring and responsible for someone’s young child. For true friendship is constant and without prejudicial boundaries, generous in spirit, carries a compassionate heart and lives in our minds alongside the endless thoughts we have….because you, my dear friendship…..always will have a place to belong amongst those many thoughts I carry’.

And then he would say this to me….

‘And also remember this Sam….there is no specific process or finish line with friendship, the relationship is an ongoing and unfulfilled duty, even after you are gone. For friendship is also a series of endless lessons for each other and like education it never ends’.

My uncle was the only immediate family male member I had growing up from boyhood into an adult. He was a difficult man at times (under the constant strain of looking after me) and wasn’t very easy to live with (replacing my father and being my guardian), but he did provide me with solid, honest and good advice about friendship, generosity, compassion, sincerity and being a decent person in society…..much more then my father ever did and still today I haven’t met anyone as giving (as my uncle was), with this sort of precious and valuable advice….something we all should have as human beings, men and hopefully someday as good mentors in our community (to pass on).

[TOCMember]

Sam,
Your description of how your uncle related to you encapsulates the essence of what relationships are about in my view. Your mention of ‘being a difficult man at times… and wasn’t easy to live with’ resonates strong with me. Of the many conversations I have had with young people who had previously been involved in the criminal justice system and in their words ‘have made it’, I would consistently hear in answer to my question [What do you think made the greatest difference?], ‘someone believed in me.” Often that someone was not the easiest person but invariably this person was at all times, fair and respectful. Words such as tough, hard and challenging were mentioned in the same breath. This person, in your case your uncle, allowed you to feel okay about who you are. Nothing else matters.

Brene’ Brown suggests that those who ‘manage life’ just accept that they are vulnerable human beings, but still worth loving. You might enjoy looking at her You Tube video – google Brene’ Brown TED.

thanks for you story.

TOC

[Author]

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